


lemon boy and i, we're gonna live forever

by ScreechTheMighty



Series: Respawn Cinematic Universe [22]
Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: ADHD headcanon, Abelism, Gen, Mirage has ADHD, Reluctant Friendship, Some Swearing, octane has adhd, other characters also present but not enough to warrant their own tags, that one is canon now so hah, wattson is autistic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25013662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScreechTheMighty/pseuds/ScreechTheMighty
Summary: we're the bitterest boys in town / yeah we're the bitterest guys aroundOctane sees a bit of himself in Mirage...perhaps a bit TOO much. (Sequel to "just got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome".)
Relationships: Mirage | Elliott Witt & Octane | Octavio Silva
Series: Respawn Cinematic Universe [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1436953
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	lemon boy and i, we're gonna live forever

**Author's Note:**

> So I put an unofficial poll up on tumblr asking which one-shot I should work on before writing fics in order...I got two votes for two different fics but since vvizaad voted first, vvizaad got first pick. Reading "just got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome" isn't ESSENTIAL to understanding this fic but I do recommend it for some additional context. (I do reference a fic that hasn't been written yet, so if you notice a reference to an interaction that hasn't happened yet...that's why. It's on the list, don't worry.)

Octavio went through three therapists and two medications by the time he was thirteen.

It was a cycle: he’d go to a therapist, he’d take the meds, he’d do better for a bit, then back to square one when he stopped taking the meds and following his therapist’s advice. It wasn’t that he disliked the medicine—okay, that first pill was some bullshit, but the second one worked okay. It was the feeling of resentment that came with being  _ forced _ . So that he wouldn’t make the Silva family look bad. So that his parents would stop harassing him. He was doing this because  _ they _ wanted it, and he hated every second of it.

He didn’t bring that up at first with his fourth therapist, Doctor Collins. He had been fully prepared to just nod and pretend to agree with everything she said until he could finally get out of there. That was what he spent most of their first session doing.

Octavio knew he was in for it when she put down her pen and leaned back in her chair, raising one eyebrow. “Octavio…”

He bristled, pulling his skinny teenage legs up onto the sofa and glaring at her defiantly. “ _ What? _ ” he snapped.

“Everything you’ve told me so far sounds like your parents’ expectation for your treatment. What are  _ your _ expectations?”

Those words smacked the defiant look right off his face. “Huh?”

“What do you want, Octavio?”

No one had ever asked him that before. Not his parents, not his other therapists,  _ no one _ .

“…I just…”

ADHD, Combined Type. That was what they told his parents. There were parts of it he didn’t care about, mostly the hyperactive bits, and he’d managed to find ways to keep himself entertained, so boredom wasn’t an issue. His parents weren’t always  _ happy  _ about the ways he kept himself entertained, but he wasn’t bored, so he didn’t really give a damn what they thought.

There was  _ one _ thing he’d been having a hard time living with. Octavio wasn’t too broken up over the fact that he wasn’t a straight-A student and never would be. School just wasn’t interesting to him. But sometimes he’d make stupid mistakes, forget dumb assignments that he  _ knew _ he could do, even zoned out in the few classes he  _ liked _ . He knew he was smarter than what his report card said, and he was sick of the way people looked at him—teachers and some other students, too.

He just wanted…

“I don’t want to feel stupid anymore,” he said.

Doctor Collins nodded. “I think I can help with that.”

And she did.

She’d probably be disappointed to hear about how he dropped out of high school, pursued a career in video stunts,, and then ended up in the Apex Legends. But he’d taken almost everything she said to heart,  _ and  _ tried to follow most of her advice. That was more than he could say for his other therapists.

Most importantly, he didn’t feel stupid anymore. That was all he’d ever really wanted.

Elliott Witt was the most baffling train wreck in Apex Legends, and considering some of the other people in this competition, that was  _ seriously _ saying something. It was pretty hilarious.

Well. It was pretty hilarious  _ most _ of the time. Octavio didn’t like to admit it, but there were times that Elliott’s ground-in stupidity wasn’t funny.

For the longest time, he couldn’t figure out what the difference was—why it was hysterical to listen to him mispronounce the same word for a week before someone told him, but why it was uncomfortable that time he was on the same team as him and Bangalore and she got  _ real  _ antsy when he misplaced an ammo clip. Octavio got it; he didn’t like hold-ups either. But something about the way she  _ looked _ at Mirage as he dug through his pockets for it…

He didn’t have time to think about it during the match, because… _ duh _ , getting shot at. And to be honest, he didn’t really think about it after the match, either. It just randomly occurred to him while he was on his evening jog. Bangalore had been looking at him with the same expression Octavio’s teachers looked at him with. And his parents. And basically any authority figure in his life when they thought he was doing something stupid.

Octavio actually felt pissed on Mirage’s behalf.

Which was  _ dumb _ , because it wasn’t like they were friends or anything. Okay, he and Mirage hung out sometimes, but it was partially because he wasn’t as irritating as some of the other older legends, and mostly because they were both friends with Nat. But they definitely weren’t friends. He shouldn’t care if Mirage sometimes got the stink eye from Bangalore.

But that was the thing: it wasn’t  _ just _ Bangalore. Once he was aware of one person giving Mirage the stink eye, he was aware of  _ all _ of the times Mirage got the stink eye. From Caustic. From other randoms. From competition officials. And every time, it reminded Octavio of a similar authority figure in his past.

It was  _ irritating. _ He just wanted to be able to laugh at the guy without feeling bad about it. Why’d his stupid brain have to ruin his fun by making him feel  _ bad _ for the guy?

Then, one day, he witnessed something he’d predicted would happen eventually, but never actually expected to witness firsthand: Mirage having a complete meltdown in public.

It was sheer, dumb luck that Octavio saw any of it. He was in the hospital for his regular check-up to make sure his prosthetics weren’t screwing up his hips or back. Usually, he hated going, but even he had to admit that he  _ kind of _ needed his hips to get around. His appointment lasted a bit longer than he’d wanted; by the time he got out, the match for the day had ended, and the walking injured had started filing in. Octavio scanned the crowds as he went through, looking for Ajay or Nat. He didn’t see either of them—either they’d needed a regen or they’d won. He was about to check his phone and text them when his ears caught a slightly raised voice.

“…no, I’m telling you, I read the manual…”

“Did you? Because I’m not putting up with this shit again, Witt.”

Damn, who kept pairing up Bangalore and Mirage? Octavio knew, objectively, that the randoms matches were determined by an algorithm or something, but if he didn’t know any better he’d say some evil mastermind behind the scenes was forcing the two of them together for maximum drama. Octavio even looked around for a camera, just to make sure that backstage beef wasn’t being televised now, too.

“If you keep getting us killed like this, we’re gonna have a problem.”

“Oh, so it’s  _ my fault _ you couldn’t hold your own? Big bad IMC soldier and you need me to carry you?” Mirage sounded antsy; when Octavio finally caught sight of him in-person, he was red-faced and visibly defensive. “I didn’t get anyone killed. It was bad luck.”

“Bad luck and you not  _ reading the damn weapons manual…” _

_ “ _ **_I read the freaking weapons manual!_ ** ”

Any nearby conversation stopped immediately. Some people started back up pretty quickly—it wouldn’t be the first or last time people had screaming matches in the hospital. But Octavio had  _ never _ heard Mirage lose his cool like that in public. Not without immediately recovering, at least. But he wasn’t recovering now. There was no quick inhale and attempt at calming down. Mirage was  _ pissed _ and he was going to make it  _ everyone’s _ problem.

“ _Stop hounding me like I’m some idiot kid, okay?! I’m not twelve, and I’m not_ ** _stupid!_** _I’m_ ** _not!_** ”

Oh.

“Stop  _ treating me like I’m stupid _ …”

“ _ Elliott. _ ” Wraith was trying to intervene. One of her eyes was near completely red from a burst vessel and she looked like trash, but that wasn’t stopping her from stepping between Elliott and the now-startled Bangalore. “Elliott, come on…”

“ _ Deja de tratarme como si fuera estúpido _ …”

_ Estúpido. _

The word rang in Octavio’s ears. For a hot second, an uncomfortably long hot second, he was eleven, staring down at a glass he’d broken. It hadn’t even on purpose. He’d been running to grab some more treats for Navi and he’d bumped into the table, knocking it over. Complete accident. But his stepmother (Mom #2, he’d  _ never _ forget which one it was) looked at him with those awful, hateful eyes, and hissed out one word as she picked up the broken shards.  _ Estúpido. _

Octavio might’ve had the memory of a concussed goldfish, but he’d  _ never _ forget that moment.  _ Ever. _

“Why’re you always up his ass?” Octavio blurted. “ _ Damn _ , Bee, not everything is his fault.”

Bangalore looked stunned. Mirage looked even more stunned. He also looked like he was about to cry, which was so pathetic that Octavio  _ had _ to intervene. “And who the hell reads the weapons manuals anyway?  _ Boring. _ C’mon, Witt. Wraith looks like she’s about to fall over.”

_ Bingo _ —pointing that out immediately had Mirage concerned about his girlfriend and not his hurt feelings. Octavio stuck around long enough to make sure they sat away from Bangalore, that Wraith  _ didn’t _ collapse, and that the fight wasn’t about to start up again before he jogged off.

The incident stuck with him all day. That was one of those  _ really  _ irritating ADHD symptoms, one he still struggled with.  _ Rumination _ , that’s what the doc said it was called. It was like hyperfixating but on a shitty thought and not something normal like video games or what his next stunt should be.

Why had he wanted to stick up for Mirage so badly? Why did it grate on him so much that people sometimes treated him the way they did? Why had he remembered his bitch of a stepmother just then?

He kept thinking about it as he went for a walk, ate dinner, and tried to focus on video games. He gave up and went to hang out with Ajay. He was lying on her floor, twirling a pendant necklace around as he watched  _ her _ play video games.

Then, it hit him.

“Do you think Witt’s got ADHD too?” he asked Ajay.

She didn’t look away from her game. “I ain’t his doctor, O. I can’t diagnose him with shit.” Then, after she finished bashing some guy with a sword, she added, “Why do you ask?”

“I dunno, just…” It was a lot to explain and he didn’t know where to start explaining it. Sucked when that happened. “Did you hear about the fight he had with Bangalore?”

“Bits and pieces, yeah. Guess he didn’t know how one of the new guns worked…”

“Because he didn’t read the weapons manual. But he said he did. You know my reading comprehension is shit, too.”

“Shit reading comprehension isn’t just an ADHD thing.”

“Well, what about…the notes he has to take whenever we have a staff meeting? Or that time on the car drive to that interview or whatever where he wouldn’t stop moving around? He’s always losing shit. Like, all the time. And he zones out a lot, too…it’s pretty funny when you can catch him doing it and scare him, but that’s not the point…”

Ajay nudged him with her foot. “ _ Like I said.  _ Can’t diagnose him. But if you think it’s something he’s struggling with, why don’t you talk to him about it?”

“Uhhhh, because he won’t listen to me? Ever? I could tell him the sky is blue and he wouldn’t believe me. You know that.” Octavio didn’t  _ blame _ him for that, necessarily, but it did make it irritating when it was about something important…like the fact that Mirage’s brain could be screwing him over without him knowing. “I can’t tell him anything.”

Ajay shrugged and turned her attention back to the game. “Not sure what to tell you, then. He’s a grown man. If he thinks something’s wrong, he’ll figure it out.”

Octavio wasn’t so sure about that. Ajay was usually right about a lot of things, but he had a feeling she was underestimating Mirage’s intelligence. Especially since Mirage was always so intent on looking like Mr. Perfect. He was probably in denial, big time.

It wasn’t his problem. Octavio knew that. But he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was like an itch in his mind that he couldn’t quite scratch. He kept thinking about it through the rest of the night and into the next morning.

The solution to his problem came skipping over, looking cheerful as ever. “ _ Bonjour! _ ” Natalie said.

“ _ Buenos días _ ,” Octavio replied immediately. Then, “Hey, you and Mirage hang out, right?”

“Sometimes. Why, is he okay? I heard he and Anita had a fight yesterday.”

“Yeah, I was there.” Octavio scanned the cafeteria, making sure that Mirage wasn’t there before he kept talking. “He kinda flew off the handle. Don’t think he meant to, though. You ever noticed that happens with him sometimes?”

“Sometimes.” Natalie looked hesitant. She probably didn’t want to talk shit, or anything even approaching that. “He’s really trying…”

“No, no, I know that. I just thought…” He double-checked, then lowered his voice. “You ever think he’s like us?” Because if Natalie saw it, it was a sure deal. She was autistic, not the same thing, but it was close enough that she’d be able to see the signs. Anyways, she had a sixth sense for  _ different _ people.

When Natalie nodded, Octavio couldn’t hold back a triumphant grin.  _ Hah! _ So he  _ hadn’t _ been wrong. “You think so, too? I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t know how to tell him. He masks a lot.”

“Masking is his whole gimmick. I think he forgets to turn it off.” Octavio sat down at the first empty table; Natalie sat next to him, much more delicately. “Or he doesn’t know he’s doing it, which is worse.”

Natalie nodded in agreement. “Have you talked to him about it? I think he’s more like you than me, so you have more experience.”

“ _ Actually _ ...I was thinking that you should?  _ Hear me out, _ ” Octavio added quickly when Natalie’s nose wrinkled in concern. “He doesn’t really listen to me, but he listens to you. Maybe, you know, I could give you some tips, you could pass them on to him...everyone’s happy?”

Natalie chewed on her lower lip. Octavio figured she would have that reaction. Subterfuge wasn’t really her style. It made her pretty straightforward to be around, but it could also make her...well, not to be mean, but kind of  _ boring _ sometimes. Ah, well, he’d wear off on her eventually. “Come on, Nat, we’ll be helping him. It’s not even mean.”

“I suppose. Do you  _ promise  _ you’ll actually be helping him?” she said sternly.

“I  _ promise _ . No fingers crossed or anything.” He held up his hands to show her. “And I can’t cross my toes, either. Don’t have any.”

“All right, all right.” Natalie giggled, her sternness melting away almost instantly. “What should I tell him?”

Fortunately, he’d actually thought to prepare for this last night. Octavio ended up passing along all of the old study tips he’d been able to dig back up among his files and rattle them off as they ate breakfast. He wasn’t sure how many of them would actually be helpful to the actual problem he’d just had, but some of them  _ had _ to be helpful. Especially if his hunch was right.

“Anyways, you don’t have to tell him all of this. Just the stuff that sounds important. And anything you can think of. And  _ don’t _ tell him you got this from me, got it?”

“Okay.” Natalie didn’t seem thrilled about that part. Octavio just hoped she could get over it long enough to help out Mirage.

Mirage showed up for breakfast eventually, still looking like a kicked dog. Natalie got up and went to his table immediately. Octavio watched from a distance as she talked to him. Mirage seemed closed-off at first, but opened up the longer Natalie talked.

_ Excellent. _ She was getting somewhere.

It went on like that for a little while--Natalie serving as the middle-man, telling Octavio all about Mirage’s problems, and Octavio offering solutions. The more she told him, the more convinced Octavio became that Mirage was a part of the ADHD crew. Struggled with focus. Complained about how it always felt like he had enough time until he  _ didn’t _ . Forgetting, constantly. Losing things, constantly.

Octavio had answers for a lot of those things. Of course, there was a non-zero chance that not all of them would  _ work _ for Mirage, but some of them would have to. He threw tps out there about not being late, taking notes, which fidgets were quietest, and how not to lose things (though that one came down to cheating--Octavio used to just slap tracker stickers on things before he lost the pack of tracker stickers. Bonus point about this whole scheme: he remembered that he needed to buy more tracker stickers).

He didn’t see much of Mirage during those weeks. But whenever he did, Mirage did seem a bit calmer, and Natalie said that the advice seemed to be helping him.

_ See, Che? I’m doing a good thing. Score one for Octane. _

That was what he thought, at least. Then Mirage cornered him in the rec room. “Why are you trying to help me?” he demanded.

Octavio froze. Damn it. “Natalie told you?” he said, though it wasn’t  _ really _ a question.

“Yeah, dude, expecting her to lie for you was your first mistake.” Mirage crossed his arms. He was trying to look all stern, dad-like, maybe, but he wasn’t doing a great job. “So, spill. Why are you helping me?”

Octavio sighed heavily and put down his phone. “Because it was physically painful watching you screw up when I had the solutions. This is purely out of self interest, to prevent my brain from collapsing in on itself. Why are you freaking out? Have I been  _ wrong  _ yet?”

“... _ no _ …”

“Then what’s the big deal?”

Mirage didn’t say anything. The longer he stood there, the smaller he looked. His crossed arms looked more like he was hugging himself. “...she said you think…do you really…?”

Damn it. It was happening again. Octavio had a sudden memory of being a kid, standing in the doctor’s office, listening in as his parents were given his diagnosis. Fidgeting in place. Listening to the words  _ ADHD  _ and  _ combined type _ and not knowing what any of it meant.

“I mean, I’m not your doctor,” Octavio said, trying to sound casual about it. “You just...remind me of me, sometimes. When I first got diagnosed and stuff.” He didn’t want to go into that and he hoped Mirage wouldn’t ask. “Bare minimum, it doesn’t seem like you’re doing so hot.”

He expected Mirage to take offense at that. Instead, Mirage sat down on the couch. He still had his arms crossed, still looked very small. “..if I talk, do you promise you won’t make fun of me?” he said.

_ Ehh _ , that was gonna be a hard one. But, as much of an asshole as Octavio could be…

“I won’t laugh,” he said, completely honestly. He even held up his hands, just like he had with Natalie. “I’m all ears,  _ amigo. _ ”

Mirage hesitated.

Then, he started talking.

It was a lot, and there were several moments where Octavio zoned out. But he heard most of it, and a lot of it sounded familiar.

_ I just never did well in school...I mean I did okay sometimes, mostly in science and stuff, but I was always forgetting to do my homework and zoning out in class, and you know, there were four of us, so Mom didn’t always have time to focus on me, which meant I had to do stuff myself and I just  _ **_couldn’t..._ **

_ There was this one teacher I had in middle school and he just  _ **_hated_ ** _ me, dude...I was never able to focus, it was something about his voice that just went in one ear, out the other, and if I asked too many questions I was an idiot...he never  _ **_said_ ** _ it, but he thought it. I know he did. _

_ I was always running my mouth off...I’m  _ **_still_ ** _ always running my mouth off, it’s like I can’t stop to think, and I can  _ **_feel_ ** _ myself annoying people but I just won’t shut up… _

_ I just do things without thinking, and sometimes it works out but sometimes it’s really dangerous and y’know, blood sport... Me and Wraith had a fight about it. I mean, we worked it out, but now I’m scared it’s going to happen again. _

_ I’ll lie in bed at night and I can’t sleep because my brain won’t shut up. That’s if I can get in bed at all...I know I need to be up early but I can’t get in bed and it’s suddenly 2 a.m. and I need to be up in four hours... _

_ I swear, I do everything I’m supposed to, but it’s never enough. It’s like, I’m working as hard as everyone else, but I can’t read, I can’t do what I’m told, I can’t keep my shit on lock because I’m always losing things or forgetting to go places or… _

_ Sometimes I just want to  _ **_scream._ ** _ It’s like there’s all this inside me and I’m about to  _ **_explode_ ** _ and I can’t  _ **_stop it…_ **

Eventually, Elliott stopped talking. He’d started crying somewhere in the middle of it--not  _ crying _ crying, but he had to wipe away tears when he was done. It sounded like he’d just dumped a full lifetime of pent-up shit onto Octavio just then.

_ Shit. What do I say? What would Ajay or Nat say? _

“...did you ever like...see a doctor or anything?” he said finally.

Mirage shook his head. “Like I said, there were four of us. My dad died when I was little, so it was just Mom raising four kids, and even with help from my  _ Tio’ _ s family... _ they _ had two kids and not a lot of money, so even if people had  _ noticed _ …” He stopped to wipe away more tears. “That makes it sound bad. They knew I was struggling and they all tried to help, but...I think they just thought I was normal struggling. I never told them about the other stuff. I didn’t want to worry my mom. She had enough going on.”

Okay, that part Ocatvio couldn’t relate to. Maybe that kind of thing was normal for poor families that didn’t have such bastards for parents. “Well, I mean…” Octavio sucked on his teeth noisily. Damn it. He wasn’t usually in this position. Most people he talked to about this already knew for sure they had it. “...it’s something to look into. I know some...videos and stuff. There’s books, too, but that’s boring. If you  _ want _ to look into it.” He shrugged. “Who knows? Could be something. Natalie thinks so and she’s smarter than both of us.”

Mirage laughed.  _ “Yeah _ , that’s true.” He paused again. It looked like he was pulling himself together. “Uhm...I’ll...take those videos. I guess. Could be something if Nat thinks it is.”

“Yeah. I’ll link you.”

And he did. He even remembered to do it, because he couldn’t get the memory of Mirage unloading all of that out onto his head. There was one part that stuck out--one line he kept remembering.

_ I just felt  _ **_stupid_ ** _ all the time. _

That damn word again.

He expected Mirage to talk to him about it, but Mirage barely said a word to him over the next few days. He actually stayed out of the public eye entirely, which was  _ weird _ for Mirage. When Octavio asked Natalie about it, she said he wasn’t hanging around her, either. She also apologized like, five times for ratting Octavio out, but he was over it by that point.

“Don’t worry, the worst thing he did was cry at me,” Octavio said. “I sent him some stuff, so he’s probably just thinking about all of it. I guess it’s a lot to take in when you figure it out late. I mean...not that  _ I’d _ know. That’s just what other people have told me.” He shrugged. “You’ve known since you were a kid too, right?”

“Oui, since I was two.”

“Damn, you got me beat. They didn’t catch my shit until I was like, seven. School made everything worse.” He was spinning in his chair as he spoke to her. She was working on her fences. That was usually how they talked. “How’d your Dad take it?”

It didn’t hit him until after he said that out loud that... _ maybe _ he shouldn’t be asking about her dead dad. He felt even worse when he stopped and saw how  _ sad _ she looked. But she shook it off. “He always helped me. He said that he had a feeling I was different, even from when I was little. He knew if we had a name for it, they could really help me.” He stopped working and looked at Ocatvio with wide eyes. “Elliott never got that, did he?”

“...yeah. Guess not.”

And, the more Octavio thought about it, the more he realized how much that  _ sucked _ . Sure, his experience with therapy and meds hadn’t always been great, but at least he knew he wasn’t just lazy, stupid, whatever. Elliott didn’t have that.

He just thought he was stupid.

And yeah, he kinda  _ was _ , just...less than he’d thought.

_ Damn. No wonder he’s messed up. _

The day after that conversation, Mirage cornered him in the rec room again. “Hey, you’ve been in hiding,” Octavio said. “You good?”

Mirage shrugged. “I don’t know. I watched all those videos you sent, and...fell down a rabbit hole. Talked to Wraith. She sees it, too.” He hesitated. “What do I do?”

_ Why the hell are you asking me? Am I your ADHD guru all the sudden? Wait. Shit, I guess I am. I kind of self-appointed that, didn’t I. Shit. I didn’t think this through. _

“Uhhh, that’s up to you, dude. You want a diagnosis? It’s a big planet. There’s got to be someone who’ll do it.” He tried to remember what it had been like when he was seven, but it was hard. What he remembered was mostly just how boring the whole thing had been. “They ask you a lot of questions and stuff. I don’t know if it’s different when you’re an adult.”

Mirage nodded. He kept shifting in place, moving from foot to foot. “I guess I just…I don’t know. I really don’t know. Was it worth it?”

Octavio shrugged. “Everyone I’ve talked to who got diagnosed late says it was. I wouldn’t know. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.” He sat up from his slouch on the sofa and started tapping his foot. “What, are you scared?”

Mirage flinched. That was a yes. “Bro, it’s nothing to be scared of. Lots of people have it. I have it. I talk about it all the time. What, does it not fit your brand or whatever?”

“Kinda, actually.” Mirage started fidgeting worse. “I’m supposed to have it together, right? I’m Mirage. I’m a champion. I have my shit together.”

“I hate to break it to you, dude, but literally no one thinks you have your shit together.”

Mirage glared. “ _ Thanks _ .”

“No, listen, hear me out...if no one thinks you have your shit together, might as well not have your shit together in the right way, right? They can’t hate you for having ADHD. That makes them an asshole.”

“...I mean, I  _ guess. _ ”

It felt good being right. Octavio settled back on the sofa and grinned. “Look, man, I can’t tell you what to do. But it’s not like it’s gonna make your life any worse.”

Mirage nodded. He turned around like he was going to walk away. He turned back. “Seriously, why’d you start telling Nat what to tell me?”

“I told you, dude, it was...painful watching you screw up when I knew the answer.”

Mirage glared. “I thought you liked watching me screw up. You think it’s hilarious when I screw up. You made fun of me for weeks when I couldn’t say…” He breathed carefully. “ _ Pre-pon-der-ance. _ Preponderance. You made fun of me for  _ weeks. _ ”

...damn it. He had him there.

“...it’s…”

Should he lie? He was tempted to lie. But Mirage wasn’t going to leave until Octavio told him something concrete, and he  _ really  _ wanted to get back to that video game, so Octavio took a deep breath. “I’ve felt stupid before and I know that it sucks,” he said. “And don’t you dare tell anyone I told you that.”

Mirage stared, nodded, then turned around and left for real.

Octavio stared after him and sighed irately. Damn it. Why had he gotten himself involved in this?

There was another stretch of radio silence from Mirage. Octavio had a feeling it would be broken. He kept bracing himself every time he sat in the rec room, waiting for Mirage to show up and start asking more questions. But it didn’t happen like that. Mirage didn’t break the silence--Octavio did. Completely by accident, though. He wasn’t seeking the guy out. He just ran across him hiding on one of the roofs in the compound. Octavio had gone up there to see if he could jump to the next building over. Mirage looked like he was up there to brood.

“...if I jump to the next building over, do you promise not to tell Ajay?” Octavio said.

Mirage jumped, startled. “ _ Shit _ ...wait, jump  _ where?! _ ”

“Cool, thanks.” Octavio made like he was going to make a running jump, but it was all a show. He didn’t even try to resist when Mirage grabbed his arm. “ _ Aww, _ you’re no fun.”

“Do  _ not jump off the roof. _ ”

“I’m not jumping  _ off _ the roof, I’m jumping to the  _ other _ roof.” Octavio pulled his arm free and sprawled onto the ground. “You ruminating?”

“Rumi-what?”

“Ruminating. Is your brain stuck on a bad thought? Because video games are good for that. Or parkour, like, whatever floats your boat.” 

“...I guess I am.” Mirage sat down next to him. “You really screwed my life up. You know that, right?”

“I’m good at that.” Octavio looked at him. “What, your whole life suddenly change? I know a thing or two about that. I got my legs blown off, dude.”

“You know, I really hate how many times you’ve been making sense lately.” Mirage huffed noisily and lay down. “Now I get why Miles would always get so pissy with me whenever  _ I  _ was right.”

_ Miles _ . Octavio was confused for a second, before he remembered that Mirage had talked about being one of four kids. That was a  _ lot _ , but then again, pretty much everyone he knew was an only child. Anything higher than two was  _ a lot _ to him. “You have three siblings?” 

Mirage took a second to respond. “... _ had _ . I had three brothers.”

_ Had.  _ Damn.

“All three brothers  _ and  _ your dad? Your life kinda sucks, dude.”

Mirage laughed--startled at first, but then morbidly genuine. “ _ Yeah _ . Shit. It really does.”

They both laughed. It almost felt like they were bonding...and it kinda didn’t suck.

Huh.

“I, uh, set up an appointment to see someone. I’m going tomorrow.” Any mirth in Mirage’s voice died as he spoke, replaced with quiet dread. “Wraith was going to come with, but she has a thing…and Nat has a thing, too…”

Octane turned his head to face Mirage. “Are you asking me to come with you?”

Mirage got defensive immediately. “Hey,  _ listen _ , you freaking planted this whole thing in my head. You’re the only person I know who knows what’s up, so... _ yeah _ , I’m asking you, because this is your fault and if it turns out I’m  _ not _ just a lazy idiot, you’re going to be the only one who knows what the next move is.”

...damn it, he had a point. Octavio wanted to be mad, but now that the possibility had been introduced...well, he’d be lying if he said that the chance to see this whole crazy thing through to the end was pretty enticing. “Sure,” he said. “When are we leaving?”

They had to leave early--Mirage had gone to someone  _ way _ out of the way, probably to avoid anyone recognizing him. Octavio wasn’t usually good with long car drives--and especially not when the driver drove like a damn  _ granny _ , obeying the speed limit and all that shit--but Mirage let him pick the music and ride with the window down, so it wasn’t all bad. It would’ve been better if Mirage had chatty, but he stayed quiet. Both eyes on the road. Hands gripping the wheel so tightly his knuckles had gone white. Octavio thought about telling him to calm down, but he had a feeling Mirage wouldn’t want to hear it.

They arrived at the doctor’s office. Fortunately, it was in a building complex that had a burger place. Octavio was  _ starving. _ “Hey, do you mind if I go get some food?” he asked. “I figure you don’t want me hovering over you…”

Mirage wasn’t moving. He was sitting there. Gripping the wheel. Staring at the doctor’s office as if it was going to explode. “Hey, Witt?” Octavio said. “We going, or what?”

“What if it’s not ADHD?” Mirage asked. He sounded terrified. “What if...what if I’m just a moron? What if…”

Octavio felt an ache in his chest. He was starting to recognize it as sympathy.

The sympathy gave way to annoyance pretty quick, though. 

Octavio punched him in the arm. Mirage jolted, staring at Octavio in shock. “Ow?!”

“Get out of the car.”

“What are you…?!”

“ _ Get out of the car. _ ” Octavio kept smacking him on the arm until Mirage started unbuckling his seatbelt. “Don’t be a  _ coward _ , get  _ in there!…! _ ”

“ _ Okay, I’m going…! _ ”

Octavio hovered close after that, hovering behind Elliott and making sure he went into the building. Once they were in the office, he sat next to him. It only took them three seconds for their knee bouncing to sync up. Mirage’s was a bit more anxious. He looked like he was going to jump off a cliff when his name was called, looking at Octavio as if he could somehow save him.

“...don’t look at me. I don’t have the answer sheet,” Octavio said, trying to make a joke out of it.

Mirage smiled, kind of. He still looked terrified as he followed the nurse out back, but he did at least follow her. He didn’t try to run.

Good. Because Octavio definitely would’ve been able to catch him.

Octavio took that opportunity to go get a burger and a shake. Then he went for a walk around the block. Then a jog, once he was sure he wasn’t going to puke if he ran. He texted Ajay, he texted Nat, he went for another jog.

He actually started getting nervous, though he had no idea why.

Eventually, as he jogged past the office, he saw Mirage at the desk, talking to the receptionist. Octavio waited outside, bouncing from foot to foot. He waved when Mirage turned around. They made eye contact. He  _ knew _ Mirage saw him. They made eye contact and everything. But when Mirage exited the office, clutching something in his hand, he didn’t look at Octavio. He just walked right to the car. He got in and sat there. 

“... _ okay _ ,” Octavio muttered. He followed Mirage into the car, got in, sat down. “Yo, you good, man?”

After a long pause, Mirage passed him the paper. His hand was shaking. There was a lot of visual information, so it took Octavio a second to find what he was supposed to read, but when he did…

“ _ Eyyy _ , how about that?” Octavio gave a little fist pump and grinned brightly at Mirage. “Inattentive type? I’m combined, so that means you’re only half as screwed as I am.”

He expected a laugh at his expense. Instead, Mirage started crying.

Octavio froze. Shit. Oh, shit, he was really bad with crying people. “Uh.” Octavio froze, reached over, patted Mirage’s shoulder. “I’m sorry…?”

“I’m okay...I’m okay…” Mirage took a deep, gasping breath, then laughed. “ _ Shit _ . I’m sorry, I didn’t think I’d take it that hard.” He rubbed the tears away from his eyes. “I didn’t think it would take that long, either. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Octavio waved him off. “So, they’re pretty sure?”

“Yeah, actually...the doctor said I was a pretty classic case. Uhm, they’re gonna get me set up...do you take stimulant medication? Do you take medications at all?”

“Used to. Not so much now. I don’t want to mix stims and stimulants, y’know? Probably make my heart explode. Or Ajay would kill me for trying, either way.” He nudged Mirage gently. “They’re not so bad. You’ve just gotta remember to eat. When are you gonna tell Wraith?”

“I should tell her in person. This is kind of a big deal.” Mirage took the paper back and took another deep breath. “Hey, uhm...thanks. For making me get out of the car. And butting into my life.”

Octavio snorted. “No problemo. Glad my nosiness paid off for someone for once.” Octavio’s gaze wandered away, landing back on the burger joint. “Hey, I want more fries. Do you want to get something?”

“...yeah, actually. I’m kind of starving.”

They got food. They drove back to the compound. The drive back went much faster, now that Mirage was willing to chat. They talked medication, then went off on a tangent about embarrassing school stories, commiserating over principal’s office visits and trying to socialize with their peers. By the time they re-arrived at the compound, it almost felt like they were friends.

_ Almost. _ Just because Octavio had been nosy enough to help Elliott answer a big question about his life didn’t mean they were best buddies or anything. But maybe they could hang out more now.

Octavio had a gut feeling it wouldn’t be boring now.

**Author's Note:**

> Title and description lyrics are from "Lemon Boy" by Cavetown, which I have been listening to obsessively for like, at least a week. Also, will I make this a trilogy and write some of the events from this in Elliott's POV? It's entirely possible. I have so many Apex fic ideas. Help.
> 
> I'm on tumblr as screechthemighty for everything blogging and respawncinematicuniverse for my Titanfall/Apex content.
> 
> DAYTIME EDIT: if you're reading this and you think you have ADHD, or are struggling with executive function and attention stuff for unrelated reasons, How to ADHD on YouTube has a lot of great videos about How To Do The Thing and work with your brain. I hope you have your own breakthrough moment too.


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